< — Disagreement — > (3)
TN: So, I scrapped the donation thing because I don’t think I’ll have time(sorry). I got really busy all of a sudden so patreon seems to be more feasible for me so for now we’ll go with that.
Lucia expected him to reply in that manner.
Or say ‘What do you want me to do?’, ‘Wasn’t that the case from the beginning?’
She expected him to have a cold expression and answer in an unfeeling manner. She worried frantically about whether she could return an answer that was even colder than his reply would be.
Truthfully, she did not want to hurt him. She initially thought that was really how she felt but she realized that she truly did not want to see him in pain.
Lucia’s heart sank as she watched a moment of inexplicable despair appear on his face. She watched as the steel-like man in front of her expressed his pain in such a way.
He struggled to breath like a fatally wounded animal then he slowly closed his eyes and reopened them.
Her heart desired to reach out to him and comfort him but her body was frozen at the sight of him. She couldn’t wrap her mind around it as his hands that were holding her trembled slightly.
She couldn’t make herself move or say anything and it stayed like this for a short while.
He laughed bitterly then paused and in a moment, everything disappeared like a mirage and his expression returned to its usual somewhat deadpan state.
The momentary glimpse of his emotional state before it disappeared was like an illusion, making her feel both confused and frustrated.
It made her feel as though she was trampling a soft cake.
“…Right. You already see the end.”
His voice was much calmer than it was cold.
Lucia felt like she had truly seen him for a short moment.
His usually cold expression and tone was an armor. His coldness was not because he didn’t feel anything but to hide himself so he wasn’t exposed.
Lucia wondered if it was possible to have dreamt it for a while. Even though she saw it, she couldn’t believe it. Looking at his current expression, it was as if she was truly mistaken.
When she continued to silently stare at him, Hugo opened his mouth and spoke.
“I see. It was finished from the start. This is what you meant when you asked me to send you a rose, right?”
When he mentioned a rose, Lucia’s blood ran cold and she returned to reality, taking a moment to scold herself.
She was currently at a significant crossroad with him. What started as grumblings had at some point become something that was too late to turn back from.
“Yes… you are right.”
She didn’t want to cling to an invisible ending so she asked him to wake her up with a rose.
She felt that if he announced their ending with a rose, even if she had lost her senses for a while, the shock would bring it back.
“If you received a rose from me, what were you planning on doing?” (Hugo)
Thinking that he was likely sounding her out, Lucia’s heart cooled down. She quickly took control of her indecisive heart.
“That… I haven’t planned on doing anything. As you said, that would be the end. There is nothing after the end.”
He quietly repeated her words then he spoke again.
“Is that condition unbreakable?”
“…Yes. I have already promised you that I will not break it.”
Her love was a love where it didn’t matter to her if it was reciprocated or rewarded.
Lucia never wished for that. Even in an estranged parent-child relationship, one-sided love still existed. It was an impossible love for the both of them.
Even if you initially starts out with self-satisfaction, someday, you will start to wish for the other person to reciprocate, and when they don’t, that feeling gradually begins to turn to hate.
In this way, Lucia gradually hated him but she did not want to be eaten up by that hatred.
Hugo knew he was being excessively greedy. Her words were correct. He knew that he couldn’t return her feelings yet he shamelessly coveted her heart.
He found out more about her in this brief conversation than in the few months they were married. He had been indifferent.
She did not show it but he had no right to be angry.
There was nothing about her physical condition in the report that Fabian, his very capable investigator, sent after researching for about a month or so.
The fact that she could not have a child was a secret that no one else knew but she had confessed it to him.
She already revealed a part of her heart to him a long time ago, but he threw it away. He brushed aside the hand that she cautiously held out to him a long time ago.
“There will be no divorce.” (Hugo)
“You are my wife.”
“No matter how it ends, you cannot change our relationship.”
Her short and submissive answers were irritating him. He grabbed her shoulders and knocked her down. Her body lay on the sofa displaying no resistance as he towered above her.
“Do you know what your answers mean?”
His hand grabbed her chin and his fingers slowly caressed her soft lips. At his mellow touch that held sexual desire, her eyelashes shook.
He was saying that regardless of her feelings, if he wanted, she had to open her body to him. Lucia avoided his gaze and replied while staring at the air.
As Hugo stared at her with his deep red eyes, his heart slowly sank.
‘Excellent! You got yourself a perfect wife.’
He ridiculed himself. Just as he had hoped, he got a wife that was just like a doll. She was his. She was his wife.
But what he really had was her shell. And from now on, he had to continue living with and embracing a doll-like wife.
She kept a shell of herself here and hid her true self somewhere he couldn’t reach. But what was the problem? That what he had in his arms, and what he could see was simply just a shell?
But it wasn’t about her heart. Even if he had her heart, what could he do with it?
He could hold onto her and keep her by his side for as long as he wanted without it. Just because he didn’t have her heart didn’t mean she was going anywhere.
Suddenly, Hugo realized something he couldn’t see before. He realized the reason for the anxiety and despair that had overcome him before.
Was it anxiety because she wasn’t greedy for anything of his and left no traces, therefore she could leave him without any hesitation? Or despair because he couldn’t open her heart which was shut tightly?
No. The real anxiety and despair he felt were not from these things. It was anxiety and despair because of his wavering feelings.
Before he even realized it, his heart was in her hands. The worst outcome, the outcome he had never wanted, had crept up on him.
After becoming the Duke, Hugo had thoroughly followed one principle. Only give back as much as you receive.
Which is why he had rejected it when women gave him their love: he could not return it.
Love and Hatred.
He had gone through all the extreme emotions that a human being could possess; it was how he learned how to damage other people.
Hatred for the late duke and love for his blood brother. Love and hatred seemingly had no relation but they crashed into him like they were one.
Back then, he barely had any will and despaired at his powerlessness. He was just a wild beast that lived as Hue, not knowing anything. His only worry back then was how to kill his enemies and survive. From the time he woke up in the morning till he slept in the evening, it was only about his survival.
But then, he met in brother and in the process, became a human but the price he had to pay for that was learning emotions.
He loved his brother but because of that, he let his brother’s life be controlled by the former duke.
His hatred for the late Duke soon became hatred for the Taran blood flowing in his veins once he learnt of its secrets after the Duke’s death.
No entity should be able to sway him.
The feeling of not being able to do things of his own will was sickening. It was already enough for him to experience the breathlessness and fear of losing his brother.
His heart had to be unshakeable, his mind had to be firm. He must not make anyone a special existence, therefore her heart was not the problem.
The problem was his heart.
He had considered it simple curiosity and desire but his heart mocked him.
[You have fallen in love.]
‘No. That is not possible.’
He was swayed by her. He was starting to become afraid of losing her. He had reached such a pathetic state because of one woman.
He couldn’t understand it. He couldn’t accept such a conclusion. He rose from the sofa and began to walk back and forth.
For those that donated, you should already be refunded. Thank you so much!