< — Disagreement — > (3)
TN: Here you go… the angst oml. And a BIG shout-out to my first ever patron, Paula!
Lucia looked at the somewhat restless man in front of her and slowly lifted her body, sitting up. It would seem that today she got to see sides of him that she had never seen before.
His restlessness did not last long. He quickly stopped, looked at her and spoke.
And they were back to where they started. Lucia heaved a long sigh.
“Tell the doctor exactly what your symptoms are and receive a prescription. You have to know what your symptoms are and why you are this way, don’t you?”
“I could get pregnant. Is your decision that you don’t need a child changing?”
When he went silent, Lucia felt like screaming.
‘Just leave me alone! I would rather you were just interested in my body like you have been!’
“…There is no way a child will happen.” (Hugo)
“What you mean is… we will sleep separately?”
Lucia defiantly stared straight ahead, locking her eyes with his. He opened his mouth as though she had said something useless.
“Why do you think that’s only for making a child? You enjoy it too.”
“Don’t change the topic. If I get treated and you keep coming into my bedroom, what would you do if I get pregnant? That’s what I want to know.”
“If so, it wouldn’t be my child.”
He spat out those words without hesitation and then realized his mistake after the fact.
He said that because he already knew that pregnancy was impossible but as long as he concealed the truth, no matter who heard his words, they would seriously misunderstand it.
He regretted his words as her expression was already going terribly pale.
“Do you mean… you won’t admit that it is your child? Or… you will conclude that I was unfaithful?”
It was cruel. He ripped her heart to shred with his words.
Lucia once again recalled when she had overheard him and Sofia Lawrence’s conversation at the victory party. At that time, his words were like a merciless blade as they cut into Sofia Lawrence.
Hugo knew that his words had hurt her a lot. That he had to apologize and comfort her. However unlike his seemingly casual outward appearance, his inner self ran amok with confusion and anxiousness.
He couldn’t even understand his own feelings. He had gotten sick and tired of the situation itself.
Of her stubbornly persisting self and of himself that couldn’t tell the truth.
For the Hugo who disliked the complex situations and handled everything easily, this tangled situation and his feelings was overwhelmingly tiring.
“What I mean is…”
He began, stopped for a moment then continued, mumbling stiffly.
“For your treatment…do as you please.”
He turned around and left the receiving room. In no time, Lucia was left alone in the quiet receiving room, collapsing into the sofa.
Silent tears began to stream down her face. That night, he did not come to her bedroom.
* * *
The meal was prepared for only one person. Seeing this sight, Lucia felt disheartened but she sat down without saying anything.
But still, the spacious dining room seemed even more spacious.
“My master recently has a lot of official business to attend to.”
Jerome, as though giving an excuse, explained why the Duke had again not accompanied her for dinner.
“I see. I worry he will harm his health so I hope you look over him even more.”
Lucia had been having dinner alone for a week now and he did not visit her bedroom at all.
She had also not been able to see his face for a few days.
He told her he was very busy. That he would be working all day in his office and would just have his meals there.
But Lucia’s senses told her that he was avoiding her.
He had been busy once and stayed in the office till Lucia fell asleep but at that time, he came in at dawn, grabbed her and slept.
Now, a week had passed. When she looked back at it, it was only a week but if felt like ages.
He was busy with work and had no time to think about a woman. Nothing seemed wrong but this week could become a month and then a year.
‘My head hurts…’
She habitually chewed her food but she did not know how it tasted. After she finished eating, she visited to Anna for headache medicine and went into her bedroom.
When she opened her eyes in the morning, she felt a little better but when night came and she lay in bed, it was the beginning of torture as she could not sleep with all kinds of thoughts going through her head.
‘Why did you do that? You ruined it.’
She blamed herself.
‘Why did you cause so much trouble?’
The reason she married him was for a peaceful and comfortable life. It was not for his affection.
From the start, she had made a contract with him. She never had the shrewd thought of making a contract and denying it later.
‘He’s the one at fault. It would have been better if we had just stayed a formal couple.’
She held some resentment towards him.
If he did not treat her so affectionately, her determination to live the rest of her life this way would never have been broken.
Now, his attitude cut into her like a knife and plunged her heart into hell.
‘You chose this. You promised to never regret this.’
She once again reproached herself. Why was she suddenly greedy when she gave up on having a child from the beginning?
She didn’t know the value of what she had and became greedy, losing it in the process.
Until recently everything was perfect. She ruined it.
No matter how much Lucia turned, she couldn’t sleep.
She sat up and curled her body into a ball, wrapping her arms around her knees. She couldn’t stop her gaze from falling on the bedroom door that never opened.
As time went on, her heart fell apart even more.
This one makes me sad. Some part of me is starting to wish she never fell for him in the first place but… gah! so conflicted. I love Hugo tooo. Such a misunderstood cutie pie.
Ok, I’m done.
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