HGOS – Chapter 3

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Imagine waking up after death, only to find yourself already past the worst day of your life. If this was going to happen, why not send her to the night before everything happened?

If she had returned before this, she would’ve flashed him a big smile and sent him off when he tried to avoid the wedding night under the excuse of ‘not being aroused’.

The current Cassia cared nothing about being branded as the bride who didn’t even consummate her marriage. By the time she died, even the residents of the territory knew how estranged the two of them were.

Screw this damn God.

The lips of the once-graceful noble lady twisted harshly. Having practically ruled the territory on her own, Cassia had long since lost the gentle and elegant personality she had when she was young. Of course, she never showed it in public but when faced with such an infuriating situation, like this one, she would curse under her breath to suppress her anger.

“Let’s think about this.”

Cassia looked around her small, shabby bedroom which was worlds different from her gorgeous childhood bedroom at House Ruberno. Of course, it wasn’t that the Greze Castle was especially shabby; it was only lacking in comparison to the Ruberno Castle. In this castle, her chambers as Baroness Cassia was among the largest and most lavish.

Cassia got up from bed and walked to the dressing table, then stared blankly at her reflection.

Her silver hair, which matched her snow-white skin, flowed down to her waist, and blue eyes, akin to precious sapphires, stared back into her eyes.

Despite her stunningly beautiful appearance, Cassia was unimpressed. Her looks had only pleased her in her youth, but ever since arriving at Greze territory, they felt more like a curse. Wasn’t it because of this so-called beauty that her name made its way to the capital and she became a sacrificial lamb for the emperor’s political showmanship?

Regardless, as she gazed at her impossibly beautiful reflection, Cassia could only think that she had definitely returned to that winter of her 17th year. Her fuller figure, her youthful face, and most of all, her long, cascading hair made it very obvious.

Her hair was short before she died. Her hairstyle was unconventional compared to regular noblewomen who loved to wear their hair long and adorned with extravagant decorations. If she had to explain why she even cut her hair, it would make her cry all over again.

It was a month before she received her terminal diagnosis. The Greze territory was hit by the worst famine in history. The residents of the territory mainly relied on agriculture, and they could only shed tears during the harvest season.

Cassia worked tirelessly to help the territory residents. She begged her husband, whom she normally didn’t speak to, to lower taxes a little, and secretly adjusted the next year’s castle budget in order to send aid directly to resident households.

At that time, one of the ways women could make ends meet was by ‘selling hair’.

The neighboring fiefdom, the Viche Viscounty,  had made enormous profit through the wig business and it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that two-thirds of the noblewomen in the capital wore wigs made by Viche.

House of Viche held a patent and monopolized the wig business and order to enhance the growing wig business, they spent a lot of money to buy human hair. The rarer or better the hair, the higher the price.

With no crops and no food, it was inevitable that the women of Greze turned to chopping off their locks and selling them to Viche.

Soon, short-haired women were everywhere in Greze.

Naturally, they were embarrassed. Chopped hair was a symbol of poverty.

Cassia was heartbroken by this fact and cut her own hair to give comfort to the people of her territory. The Baroness, who constantly inspected the territory with short hair like them, became the idol of the people of the territory and a source of pride.

Baroness Cassia, who was quite proud of her rare silver hair, decided to cut it off because she felt sympathy for the beloved people of her territory.  It was a stark contrast to her husband, Zester, who had no intentions of doing anything during the worst famine in history and cared little for the suffering of his people. It was no wonder the residents of the territory called Cassia ‘Lord’ and followed her instead of him.

‘Those were the days’.

Cassia sighed as she ran her fingers through her lush, silver hair. That was only one example of her hardships as the Madam of the Greze territory. Of course, she did it for her people, but many of the things she did weren’t things she could do from a place of joy.

Even cutting her beloved hair was like that. If another famine came, the women would cut their hair again, and Cassia would once again have to do the same to comfort them.

‘Depressing. So depressing.’

Imagining herself going through it all again, Cassia let out sigh after sigh, until suddenly, she widened her eyes in shock.

‘Wait. If I’m just going to die in ten years anyway, why should I suffer the same way again? Can’t I just live however I want, do whatever, take whatever, eat whatever I want?’

If she didn’t know the future, it would be different. But she did. She knew she would die at 27. If this God truly meant to mock her, he would’ve erased her memories and forced her to live the same miserable life. But no, he let her remember everything.

‘Since he threw me back in time and left me with my memories, obviously, I’m not meant to repeat the same life!’

Cassia clapped her hands as she finally understood the deep meaning behind God’s actions.

She recalled all the thoughts she had before dying. Regrets about not living for herself. Wondering if being a little more selfish or a little bad would’ve made her happier. Clearly, God gave her back her time so that she could live however she wanted.

‘Then I’ll do exactly what he wants.’

Cassia was strangely excited. She had never even considered ‘rebelling’ in her previous life and now that she had decided to go astray, she felt an odd sense of joy.

She would be a bad noblewoman.

‘I’ll spend luxuriously, I’ll buy everything I want, I won’t do any lady of the territory work, I’ll uh…what else?’

Cassia racked her brains and realized she didn’t really know any bad things in particular that she could do.

Maybe she could throw a tantrum and curse out her husband? No, that didn’t make sense. She hadn’t even spent enough time with her husband in this life to dislike him.  From Zester’s perspective, it would just be confusing.

Cassia decided to put that one on hold.

As her thoughts bubbled, she noticed her thinking was still confined to the role of Baroness Greze. And that’s when her expression brightened.

“Wait a second. Why should I keep living with that man?”

She asked the reflection of seventeen-year-old Cassia in the mirror. Her reflection shook its head. A slow smile appeared on her lips, which was clearly filled with anticipation.

‘Let’s divorce him. Let’s get a divorce.’

Sure, their marriage was technically ordered by the emperor. But he hadn’t ordered them to stay married. If they didn’t get along, they could divorce. Zester didn’t care about her, and Cassia hated him so divorce might actually be easier than she thought.

‘Now that I think about it, that man ignored me my whole life then he suddenly acted like he cared when I was dying. Was he worried someone would curse him out if he kept acting indifferent  even when I was dying?’

Cassia hadn’t even told him about her terminal diagnosis, thinking he wouldn’t care. Yet somehow, he found out and rushed home with a hollow expression to witness her final moments. He even agreed to all her last requests, probably just to humor her, since she’d be dead anyway.

The only unfortunate thing was she never got to find out if he granted her last request and stamped those divorce papers, because she passed away before she could see it…

‘Knowing that husband of mine, he probably didn’t even think before agreeing.’

Zester had neglected Cassia throughout their entire marriage. Not out of malice, but simply because he didn’t feel anything for her. To him, Cassia was a housekeeper in his absence, a vessel for producing heirs, a wife on paper, nothing more, nothing less.

The fact that Cassia came from a prestigious House didn’t make him proud nor did he try to take advantage of it. Zester only knew war and money and it probably didn’t matter to him whether his wife was a noble or commoner, young or old, beautiful or ugly.

In short, the man called Zester Greze was completely bone-dry, emotionally or mentally.

‘Let’s ask for a divorce!’

Cassia made up her mind. There was no need to worry over how Zester might respond. Now that she had gone back in time, she decided to act boldly.

‘If he divorces me without any problems, I’ll go back to Ruberno, laze around, enjoy my youth as much as I want and…’

Just as she was happily imagining how to spend the next ten years, her smile suddenly vanished.

Because certain faces suddenly popped into her mind.

‘Rael. Lucy.’

Good heavens, how could she not think of her children?

Her children adored her, their mother, very dearly. And it was of no surprise since Zester, their supposed father, had never been a good father to them. He was rarely around, and when he was, he acted cold and distant.

Without their father’s love, the children clung to their mother. Even if she brought a nanny, they grew upset and couldn’t adjust, so Cassia had to take full charge of raising the children.

It wasn’t that the children didn’t contribute to why her previous life was so tiring, but Cassia didn’t mind that. Unlike her husband and a few others, her children were precious to her. No matter what her son and daughter did, she loved them unconditionally. She loved them with all her heart.

‘But…what happens if we get divorced?’

All the strength drained from her body. If she divorced Zester, Rael and Lucy would never be born.

That was worse than reliving these ten difficult years.

‘My son, my daughter. They must see the light of this world, no matter what.’

Even if they didn’t exist today, their memories were etched in her soul. She couldn’t bear to live a life where they were never born.

They were meant to be born and live their lives. She couldn’t erase their existence just because she didn’t want to suffer twice.

‘Then, to meet Rael and Lucy again…’

Cassia was at a loss. No matter how much she wanted it, she couldn’t bring those children into the world alone.

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