“…Don’t throw me away.”
Cassia, who had been idly waiting for Zester to speak, widened her eyes in slight surprise.
Don’t throw me away, he said. Was there any other phrase in the world so devoid of self-esteem, so pitiful, and so heart-wrenching?
“Honey, did something happen? Did Count Axios say something to upset you again?”
“Answer me.”
“…”
“Please.”
His reddish-brown eyes, intense even through the haze of drink, fixed squarely on Cassia, demanding a reply.
“…Alright.”
Even with a sigh and her agreement, Zester’s expression did not improve. Clearly Bertol’s remarks had unsettled him, and the comment she had tossed at him during the day, telling him not to like her too much, must have lodged deep inside his mind. Cassia regretted it, thinking to herself that she’d Cassia regretted it, thinking to herself that she had said something unnecessary. said something unnecessary.
Zester, who had been staring quietly at Cassia, pulled her arm to make her lie down beside him.
They lay facing each other in silence for a long time, until he burrowed into Cassia’s arms, just like a child.
Cassia’s heart ached as she was reminded of Rael again. His every action resembled their son, as if they were cast from the same mold and her heart couldn’t help but soften.
“You know, I never envied those born as nobles and I never thought I was pitiful. Even looking at Count Axios, I just thought he was an impressive person; I never dared to think I wanted to be like him.”
“I know.”
As he spoke, Zester hugged Cassia tightly. Cassia slowly stroked his hair as he nuzzled his face into her chest like a whining child, quietly listening to his voice.
“But now… now I’ve changed. Since you came, I think a dozen times a day, why wasn’t I born a noble? Why can’t I stand tall beside you? I resent my birth.”
“That’s foolish talk. I told you not to say things like that…….”
“No, even if I were born as a noble high in the sky, you would have been too good for me. In all the Empire, I doubt there is any man truly worthy of you.”
“…I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such ear burning praise.”
In her past life, no matter how hard she worked or ran herself to the bone, he never once praised her. Now, it was as if his tongue was lined with butter. Such praise that should have been pleasing to hear, but Cassia felt uncomfortable. Zester always lowered himself when he praised her.
“Cassia, I…”
“…”
“I’ve started wanting to become a great man worthy of you.”
Was this really coming from Zester’s mouth? She felt bewildered, yet also proud, like a mother watching a troublemaking son finally come to his senses. She let out a small chuckle and stroked his hair, causing him to dig deeper into her embrace.
He was acting like a overgrown child.
“I feel like a fool, asking you for answers on everything from one to ten, but I really don’t know. So, teach me. I’ll do my best.”
Zester carefully lifted his head from her embrace. His eyes, so close to hers, looked pitiful. He slowly leaned in, brushing her lips with a soft bite before pulling back.
“Tell me how to make you think of me as a husband you can trust.”
And,
“Tell me how to earn your love.”
I want to know.
***
Of course, it had to be on a night when a blizzard was raging quite fiercely.
Leaving behind the busy Lord and Lady, who were occupied with hosting Count Axios and the mercenaries, Butler Paul bundled himself up and left the castle.
Thunk-thunk.
The sound of carriage wheels getting stuck in the uneven ground was loud enough that people in several houses opened their windows to see the late-night visitor.
Paul asked the coachman to wait, checked Clara’s address written on her employment contract, and stepped out of the carriage.
Among the clusters of low-roofed houses, Clara’s home looked exceptionally shabby. It was a grayish-brown, two-story brick house with holes in the walls here and there.
Standing in front of the door, Paul pulled the old stone knocker a couple of times and let go.
Thud, thud.
A fairly loud noise resonated through the quiet house, but there was no response.
“Is anyone home?”
Paul called out and yanked the door knocker again. Soon, heavy, careless footsteps were heard, and the door swung open. Paul flinched at the aggressive momentum.
“Who is it?”
What appeared when the door opened was a large man. With his light brown hair and unkempt beard, the man reeked strongly of alcohol. Judging by the moisture clinging to his beard, his bloodshot eyes, and his slightly slurred speech, he had clearly been drinking until just a moment ago.
Paul generally disliked the smell of alcohol. Raising a hand, he covered his nose slightly and spoke to the man.
“I am from the castle. My name is Paul Royan, and I work as the butler…”
“Ah, you’re here for my wife! Hey! Clara!”
The man opened the door wide and shouted toward the second floor. Clara, who soon came down from the second floor with light footsteps, spotted Paul at the door when she was halfway down the stairs and jumped in fright.
“Oh my god!”
“…Miss Clara?”
Paul couldn’t help but be surprised when Clara hurriedly covered her face with her hand.
She clutched her face, startled.
“The weather’s foul. Go inside and talk.”
The man, Matthew, chuckled as he looked back and forth between the shocked Paul and Clara, then stepped aside.
Matthew, seemingly unconcerned with the presence of a distinguished guest from the castle, slung his coin pouch around his waist and staggered out of the house.
His voice could be heard grumbling about being out of booze. It seemed he was heading to a tavern.
“H-Here, please have a seat.”
Clara led Paul to an old dining table on the first floor. Paul, who had been looking around the shabby interior of the house, sat down, feeling just as awkward as the hesitating Clara.
“Um, what brings you…….”
Clara served a cup of warm milk on the worn table and kept bowing her head, hiding her face. Seeing her flushed cheeks, it was clear she was ashamed, either of her appearance or the shabby hospitality..
Paul felt even more ashamed. He felt guilty for speaking so coldly about Clara in front of Cassia, not knowing her circumstances.
“Miss Clara, did you take leave because of your face?”
“Ah…”
Clara wiped her cheek with the back of her hand and lowered her head even further.
This brutality had to be from her husband who reeked of alcohol. The blue bruises on her left eyelid, the swollen cheek, and the corner of her mouth where the scab hadn’t even fallen off yet. It was an inexcusable sight.
Paul wanted to know more about Clara’s situation, but he held himself back. He could guess roughly what was happening without even asking.
“Are you hurting anywhere else? You don’t look so well, and I assume it will be difficult to return to work at castle right now, right?”
“No…It’s not that I can’t go to the castle. But how can I serve the Madam looking like this?”
Paul swallowed hard. He felt terribly sorry for Clara.
Then he thought of Cassia. She had told him to come see Clara. Perhaps she had already foreseen this situation.
Recalling the look in Cassia’s eyes, Paul judged that the kind Madam wanted to help Clara in some way, and that it would be much better for Clara to rely on the Madam’s help.
“If that’s the case, don’t worry about it and please come to the castle tomorrow, just for a while. You can decide comfortably after seeing the Madam and talking to her. If you wish to take a break, I will allow it anytime, so don’t worry.”
“Ah, seeing the M-Madam right now is a bit…”
“Don’t worry.”
“…”
“Please come.”
Paul spoke firmly.
“If, just if. If you need someone’s help, and if you don’t intend to keep living with the problem you have right now.”
Someone’s help…
『If you ever need help, don’t hesitate to tell me. I know this might sound like a lot but I really feel comfortable with you for some reason. I’m saying this from the bottom of my heart because you don’t feel like a stranger to me.』
Cassia’s voice echoed in Clara’s mind. To Clara, Cassia showed undeserved interest and affection to a mere maid like her, and was someone she felt a deep bond with in such a short time. Hearing Paul’s words, she immediately thought of Cassia.
For some reason, tears welled up in her eyes. Clara nodded, forcing herself to keep her tears from falling.
“The Madam is a truly good person. Actually, before I came here, I was quite angry with you, Miss Clara.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, I am the one who is sorry. I didn’t even consider that there may be a reason behind it, and simply accused you of being irresponsible in front of the Madam. The Madam tried to calm me down with kind words but I truly felt ashamed.”
“Ah…”
“She said she considers the people of the territory, and especially the servants working in the castle, as family. She taught me that while keeping professional boundaries is important, we should live with the mindset of coexisting intimately rather than just treating others as subordinates.”
At the thought of Cassia defending her in front of Paul, her eyes stung even more. Clara wiped the corners of her eyes, hiding it from Paul.
Paul stood up to end his brief stay, bringing up Cassia one last time.
“I don’t know if you’ve felt it too, Miss Clara, but the Madam is a person who is small in stature but great in spirit. She is generous and strong. I hope, truly, that you will come to the castle tomorrow and meet the Madam. There may be things she can do that I cannot.”
That day, Paul returned after leaving affectionate advice for Clara, just as Cassia had intended. Although the biting wind shook the windows, Paul’s heart was warm the entire way back to the castle.
It was thanks to the renewed realization that he was serving a kind and affectionate mistress who considered every single servant as family.
***
The next day.
Clara was regretting finding the courage to listen to Paul. She couldn’t help but worry about what Cassia might be thinking as Cassia scrutinized her face with indifferent eyes.
Would she scold her for entering the castle looking like this? Would she scold her for carelessly taking leave from work?
The lingering silence was ended by Cassia’s frosty voice.
“As for what happened to you…”
“M-Madam! I-I just… had a huge fight with a neighbor. But everything is settled now and…”
“…I don’t intend to ask, Clara.”
Cassia, who was standing opposite her, cut Clara off. She stared at the startled Clara, sighed softly, and took a stiff sheet of parchment from the table behind her and handed it to Clara.
“Read it, and tell me if there are any errors.”
“…Huh?”
Clara, not knowing what was going on, accepted the densely written parchment. As she slowly read it, her eyes widened in shock.
〈Accused: Matthew Holton〉
The parchment, which had her husband’s name clearly written on it, was a standard criminal report form used in all territories of the Empire. It would likely be submitted to Lord Zester.
The report was filled with meticulous detail as if someone had personally peeked into her married life.
〈Complainant: Cassia Greze〉
The report, which was written as if the author knew the circumstances even better than Clara, was authored by Cassia, the Madam of this castle. Clara gripped the parchment tightly with trembling hands.
There was no way Cassia didn’t know of Matthew’s atrocities. She had already heard them all from Clara in her previous life.
“M-Madam, this, this is…”
“I’m sorry, but I’m sure you understand now that you’ve seen name of the accused. I am not asking you whether you want to report your husband right now. The decision to report him is mine. You just need to tell me if there are any exaggerated or missing parts.”
Cassia’s firm words made Clara flustered.
“H-How can this……. If a report is filed, what, what will happen to Matthew? Under Imperial law, it will probably be difficult to punish him. Madam, I-I’m afraid of my husband. The anger will come back on me. I, I…….”
“Don’t worry.”
Cassia’s words silenced her panic. Like a spell, the fear faded away.
“Greze has its own laws. And this time, I intend to trust my husband.”
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