『Can we do it…just one more time?』
She knew that once could easily become two, and two could easily become three. She knew, but she was very vividly reminded of it all over again. Wrapped stark naked, in Zester’s arms, Cassia thought to herself that next time, it would be even easier.
It was the aphrodisiac’s fault, the aphrodisiac…
Even so, when she thought back to those days before she went back in time, when their marital relations were more like procreation than intimacy, Cassia rationalized that this wasn’t so bad.
Anyone would agree. This situation, where she was cradled in the arms of a husband who seemed desperate to love her more, was much better than spending every day in solitude.
Zester was busy kissing her forehead, lips pressing down like a stamp every other second as he held her tight against him. The kisses, which stamped her every second felt ticklish, causing Cassia to frown.
“Haaa…”
A long sigh escaped Zester’s lips as his thumb rubbed gentle circles into Cassia’s shoulder. He used to think that such sighs only came from stress but now, he realized that one could also sigh like that from overwhelming happiness. The world felt so good. Zester felt like he could die right now without regret.
“My wife.”
“Yes.”
Aaaaaah!
So good! So happy!
If there is any man happier than me right now, let him step forward!
The beast within him howled with glee.
To think that he’d be able to hear her reply every time he called her ‘Wife’ for the rest of his life. Thank you, dear gods!
Not just the gods, he felt grateful to Count Axios, who helped him earn distinction during the Imperial War three years ago, and to the Emperor who arranged this match and gave him an angel of a wife.
Thank you. Thank you.
“Thank you, thank you…”
“…For what?”
Oops. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Zester gave a sheepish laugh and shook his head.
But looking at Cassia’s round, wide eyes staring up at him, a strange sense of guilt passed through him. He was endlessly thankful to have married such a beautiful, intelligent woman, but surely it wasn’t the same for her. He lived in a poor, remote territory, she must feel trapped, no matter how composed she seemed.
While he had been inwardly screaming with joy, now he suddenly felt ashamed.
He had to treat her well. Even if she denied it, she might secretly be wishing to escape this place. This time, after experiencing such turbulent events, she might even think about it more.
Even if he had to chew on dry barley bread, he was going to feed his wife every single delicacy, from the mountains to the seas. Even if he froze to death, he was going to make sure she was clothed in warm, expensive garments.
To do that though, he would need a lot of money…
While experiencing this happy married life with Cassia, he had completely forgotten about something. He felt uneasy because of Cassia’s letter to Count Ruberno, asking him for help.
No matter how he thought about it, he couldn’t forgive himself for making his wife, who deserved to be treated as a princess to say such regretful things for his sake.
Tightening his grip on Cassia’s arms, Zester spoke.
“My wife, about that letter you wrote the Count, please don’t send it. I’ll work hard and earn enough to match your level.”
“You’re saying that again? I told you not to worry about it.”
“How can I not worry? The Count will be upset. Not at you, but I must look so pathetic.”
“I doubt my father will think much of it. And even if he did, he’d still prefer that I ask for help rather than live miserably. It’s not your fault the territory’s poor. The land is small and the weather’s harsh, what can you do?”
“Still…”
“You really don’t have to worry. Honestly, if you go off to earn money and leave the castle empty…”
Cassia paused. The words she had started to say without thinking suddenly embarrassed her.
“If I leave the castle…?”
As Zester tilted his head, confused, Cassia hesitated, then chose honesty. She regretted not being open in her past life. Maybe if she had, things with this aloof man would have been different.
“…I think I’ll be lonely.”
“…What?”
Zester was stunned the moment Cassia’s words left her lips and he could only respond a beat later.
“I think I’ll be lonely. When you leave on an expedition, it’s not like you come back quickly. Being alone in the castle without you would be a little…Ack.”
She trailed off, startled by how tightly Zester suddenly pulled her into his chest. Her head hit his firm chest with enough force to make her wince.
“Ow!”
“S-Sorry!”
“What was that all of a sudden, ?”
“I, I won’t leave you alone! I’ll never make you feel lonely! Actually, I’m the one who’ll miss being with you. No, wait, I…I still need to go earn money… but still…”
“Pfft. Honey.”
Cassia pushed Zester’s chest away and looked up at him. He looked like a kid who had just received the gift of his dreams, overwhelmed and elated.
“That’s why I’m saying, please understand me this once. We need a large sum right now, so help is necessary. After that, let’s give it our best. James’s business has potential, and if we train the Rakan tribesmen well, they could work as reinforcements. Who knows? Someday, our territory might become the wealthiest in the North.”
In her previous life, it was the Viche territory that had achieved that.
Cassia swallowed the thought and smiled gently at Zester.
Ah, that smile, how beautiful it was. As always, Zester felt his heart crumble. Like a man worshipping a goddess, he nodded.
“Everything will turn out fine.”
Cassia comforted both Zester and herself with those words.
Yes, everything would be fine. Though she didn’t think of Count Ruberno as a particularly good father, he wasn’t someone who would ignore his daughter’s plea. Cassia was certain of that.
Cassia rested her head comfortably on Zester’s chest and allowed little memories of her father to flitter through her mind like a tiding wave.
Strictly speaking, her struggles in Greze were not her father’s fault, but still, Cassia had hated him. She hated how, after marrying her off to a remote land, he never once sent a warm letter, too busy arranging her sister’s marriage. She hated him for using Zester during the Magic Stone War.
But thinking about it now, she couldn’t really blame her father. While not affectionate, it had been the Count who first wrote regularly to ask how she was and his letter requesting reinforcements seemed to be deeply tinged with guilt and embarrassment at having to reach out to his own daughter. He must not have felt very comfortable giving Zester a rock as compensation. The hatred that sprouted from resentment simply grew and hardened as time went by without seeing her father. Perhaps the problem was that, as exhausted and busy as she was managing the estate, she had never once visited her parents’ home for the entire ten years of her marriage.
‘Indeed, it wasn’t just me who was struggling yet I was too busy resenting my husband and my father.’
A realization dawned on her. Cassia opened her eyes and carefully looked up at Zester, who was still stealing glanced at his wife.
“Um…Honey.”
“Hm?”
“Would it be okay if I visited Ruberno?”
“No.”
“Huh?”
Cassia, who had been caught up in a sentimental mood, was startled when Zester replied very quickly.
Why’s the answer so firm?
“You, You promised.”
“Promised what?”
Zester sat up in a flash, staring down at her like she’d betrayed him. Had he been standing, he might have stomped his feet. Cassia pulled the blankets up over herself, tilting her head at the dramatic reaction.
“You promised not to leave me!”
“What are you—? Ah.”
Only then did she remember the thing Zester suddenly brought up on their way back from Viche territory, riding beside her on horseback:
『Cassia, I was wrong. I admit I acted like a fool. From now on, I’ll listen to you. I’ll do better. So please don’t leave me, hm?』
『What are you talking about all of a sudden?』
『I know I’m not good enough, but please, don’t just disappear without warning and leave me behind.』
『Where is this coming from?』
『Promise me, hm? Promise me.』
『Okay. It’s not a hard thing to agree to.』
If he didn’t want her to leave without a word then she could just leave after informing him. She saw no problem there. Afterall, her plan to live a glamorous life after having her children still remained unchanged.
It seemed he was referring to that promise she made very casually.
“You’re misunderstanding me. I’m not leaving for good. I was asking if I could go for a short visit. Calm down.”
“…Really?”
“Of course. Do you think I’d run off to my family just two months after getting married?”
Seeing the look on Zester’s face which said, ‘I think so’, and Cassia burst into laughter, feeling absurd.
Judging by her laughter, he had definitely misunderstood. Zester lay back down and slowly shuffled under the covers, snuggling close to Cassia. His hand reached down and gently wove around Cassia’s hand, which was resting on her belly.
“Then I’ll come with you.”
“With me?”
“Yes. How could I let you travel all the way to the south alone? If you go alone, the Count might be angry. What would he think of me? So…”
“Why are you talking so much? You’re not worried I’ll run away, are you?”
“Actually, yes.”
So honest! So blunt!
Cassia blinked at Zester’s serious expression.
Maybe he had always been like this, and she just hadn’t noticed. Or maybe he really had changed. Either way, her husband was now clearly different from her past life.
He liked her as his wife. It felt more than mere affection and somewhat like a newly hatched chick clinging to its mother hen. To put an exaggerated spin on it, it felt like if she tried to run away, she might have her legs broken just to stop her. Looking at the blazing fire in his eyes, she could tell.
But she didn’t hate this change.
She had never expected or desired her husband’s love, in either life. Yet now that it was here, her heart fluttered and swayed.
The way he held her hand so tenderly, the way his eyes roamed over her face. All of it felt unfamiliar.
Cassia tried to hide her embarrassment and gave a stiff nod.
“Alright. Let’s go together.”
As she burrowed into his warmth, which was hotter than just ‘warm’, Cassia closed her eyes and thought.
Maybe these ten years she had been given again wasn’t just for living a life of leisure and making up for the hardships of the past.
Maybe it was a chance to undo missteps, to fix what was written wrong, to revisit the things she hadn’t been able to face.
Her changed relationship with Zester stirred an unfamiliar sense of hope within her.
The faces she hadn’t seen since leaving for Greze, her father, mother, younger sister Estella, youngest brother Allen…
Perhaps she could learn to embrace and love those she had once resented.
And with that hope in her heart, Cassia drifted off into asleep.
“Sweet dreams, my wife.”
Maybe it was because of the gentle hand stroking hers, but that night, she dreamed a very good dream.
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